I will not gossip: 6th Sunday of Ordinary Time

(Listen to this homily here).

            This past week I was blessed to be in Grand Rapids for the Blandin Leadership Conference.  I have to admit, I didn’t get to preach throughout the week, so I may have some pent up homilies coming out!

            It was an amazing week in which twenty-three leaders from our community got together to learn skills in leadership.  Most of all I was impressed with the optimism and enthusiasm of the men and women I met for a hopeful future here.  They made me proud to make that drive back on Friday afternoon!

            During this week I chatted with many people about I project I have in mind for our parish and community.  It’s a project that is inspired by teachings like St. Paul’s this morning: “Avoid giving offense, whether to the Jews or Greeks or the church of God, just as I try to please everyone in every way, not seeking my own benefit but that of the many, that they may be saved.”

            My challenge for you this Lent: let’s give up gossip. 

            Gossip is unique in that it is a universal problem.  It happens in schools, churches, health care facilities, politics and more.  Everyone here has probably been hurt by gossip at some point.  And on the other side, each of us has probably been guilty of gossiping—including myself.

            A common question I have heard as a priest—whether in counsel or confession—is: “When does conversation become gossip?”  The answer here is not a science, but an art.  I am still working on curbing my own chatterbox to avoid giving offense to others.  What I offer here are some basic guidelines of what gossip is and is not.

            First, I am not asking us to give up all conversations about third parties.  A huge benefit of living in a small town is that necessary news travels quickly—“Did you hear that John and Suzy got married?” “The basketball team won/lost last night” “So and so died and we should support their family.” There are even times when it is a good thing to vent to trusted loved ones (about behaviors and ideas, not to judge).

            To determine what is gossip and what is not, we must discern our intention.  Am I trying to overcome a trial I have experienced with someone’s behavior or tearing down another’s character?  Am I trying to make myself feel better by cutting someone else’s dignity?  I have learned that keeping someone’s name out helps me focus on behaviors or ideas rather than persons.

            Another question to consider—do I really know the facts?  My Mom always got on me for this—and she still does!  Do I really know what happened or who said what to whom?  I heard a story from a parishioner last week who told me that, as a little girl, she cut the tip of her finger off.  Later that afternoon—only five or six hours after her accident—someone came to her house to grieve the loss of her whole arm!  Now here was a case where the small town grapevine allowed people to show their concern for a child.  But what were the facts?  Presumably an injury to the tip of her finger became her whole finger, to her whole hand, to her whole arm.  Imagine if this continued—her whole body may have disappeared!

            Finally, there are some things that are true that we don’t need to share.  “Did you hear Jane and Joe are having an affair?”  Well that may be true, but is that my business?  Is it my job to let everyone else know of this?

As a new member of our community, I have had several conversations about small town gossip.  I have heard over and over again, “It’s the Falls, that’s just the way it is.  Get used to it.”  I am not satisfied with this attitude.  I know Jesus is not satisfied with it, and I hope you are not satisfied with it either!  We have a great opportunity to model how we should use our words to build others up, not tear them down.

With the challenge to give up gossip for Lent, I promised you a gift.  I bet you didn’t sleep well this week wondering what it was.  I bought 600 purple bracelets (purple for Lent!) that simply say, “I will not gossip.”  Don’t worry, I asked if they could withstand negative 100 degree wind chill!  Now I don’t like wearing wristbands—my watch is annoying enough—but I will be putting this on for Lent, and I hope you do too.

This will be a simple reminder to give up gossip.  Small and consistent reminders like this can raise awareness and keep your goal in mind.  If you catch yourself slipping up, change wrists.  As you do, pray for forgiveness and ask God to help you learn from this slip to grow in positive speech. 

These wristbands will offer serve as an opportunity to evangelize.  If someone asks you why you are wearing it, simply tell them that our parish is striving to give up gossip for Lent.  I’d be willing to bet that they will be inspired by your efforts.

By striving to give up gossip I pray we will build good habits in using our words and communication possibly.  I guarantee you that if you work hard at this goal your life will be better, your family will be better, our parish will be better and our community will be better.